`yijunn. Sunday, July 19, 2009
1. yday was one of those days when i get flustered about some stupid silly thing which got me feeling down. and then my friend just said to me : look, it's actually very simple. all you have to do is __________.and i realised how often i let this shit happen to me. because everytime something bad happens i'd get all panicky and flustered. and i usually feel like ive gotten myself in deep shit.
and being me, what do i do? i run away from the problem. i shut it out, pretend it didnt happen/ doesnt exist. and in the event that i find a solution/ know that there is one, i'm too bei4 dong4 to actually do anything about it. which often ends up in things being blown out of proportion. or me suffering unnecessary anguish zz. and eventually when everything is solved (because everything usually works out in the end), i'd ask myself: why didnt you just do this from the start? but yet i never learn my lesson.
this is the big problem of letting my heart rule my head. i think i "feel" too much for my own good. and i think i've said this before- sometimes i really feel like those gu-niangs in the period dramas who just live life as it is laid out for them, expecting others to take the initiative and going with the flow. ohwells maybe i should stop letting everything/ some people get to me too much.
2. on the other hand, i really HATE it when some people have to ask me about particular things. because i mean, if i want to tell you i would. if there's nothing to tell i wont say anything. and it's very irritating when you say things suggestively cos HELLO it doesnt help in making me feel anything better. or are you trying to rub it in my face???
3. ohwell i wanted to say it explicitly but angel said that i'll get a lot of backlash haha. but i really don't understand. maybe it's cos i'm not one of them. i was going to say yet, but now the more i think about it, it's leaning towards never now.
4. hoho i'm feeling like a friendless hermit again this week! i think it'll be horrible come august when school starts for everyone. already now with camps i feel like we're starting to embark on different lives. and it only looks like a downward spiral from here. i hope i'm proven wrong.